Be aware of and discuss
alcoholism in the
family,or other factors
that put children at risk.

Build on the assets in
your child,family,school
and community.
The Homework Mastery Center
Newsletter
January/February 2010









Tips to avoid alcohol,
tobacco and other drug
problems in children.

Talk to your children.
Listen to your children.

Have family rules.

Start early by preventing
tobacco use.

Provide good role modeling.
INSIDE THIS ISSUE


  • Parenting
    2010

  • Cultivate Your
    Child's
    Intelligence  
                     
  • Tips to avoid
    alcohol,
    tobacco and
    other drug
    problems in
    children




K-12 tutoring
Parenting Coaching
Parent Homework
Help Workshops
                    
Parenting 2010
by Deborah Critzer

Has parenting changed all that much this millennium? Along
with many other advances in society, it certainly has. Now
is a good time to look at the past, the present and decide
on a direction for the future. The practice of parenting
needs some attention. What have we missed and how
should we proceed?

The past thousand years has not been kind to children.
For most of the past millennium the phrase "Children are
meant to be seen and not heard” was literal. Additionally,
all child-rearing practices prior to this century included
regular beating of children. Children were thought to be
born evil and needed the devil beaten out of them. Many
children perished and continue to do so as a result of this
philosophy. I do not think children did the awful things
they are doing today, however the adults grown from
these practices certainly did. Though there were no school
shootings, there were witch-hunts, public torture, killings
and rampant domestic violence led by the adults and
observed by the children.

In the last 100-200 years our view of children has begun
to change. The prevailing philosophy of some (certainly not
all) is that children are born good, and that with respect,
nurturing, and loving guidance, they can become well
rounded, responsible, successful adults. This is a new
concept, never before tested in industrialized society. Has
it been working? The results appear to be mixed. On the



one hand we have children succeeding in school, creating
businesses, and advocating causes. We also have kids
killing others. Children are more capable of expressing their
feelings and opinions, verbalizing wisdom and perception
beyond our belief. Children are also displaying
unprecedented disrespect and disregard towards parents
and others.

It appears that we are at a critical point. Should we turn
back and reclaim the past, or forge ahead with new ideas
into the future? If we choose to continue pursuing this
new philosophy of parenting, we need to focus on
understanding its effect on children and our responsibility
in giving them the full benefit of its potential. Let's look at
4 aspects of the new parenting philosophy and see how we
can improve the results.

Children are born good. The change in belief from children
being evil to children being inherently good comes from
simply looking at your newborn baby and seeing the
perfection, innocence and complete dependence their
vulnerability creates. This is the basis for unconditional love
and the concept "address the behavior, not the child".
Anything "bad" or "evil" is a result of the child's reaction to
events in its environment or biochemical unbalances in their
system. When our children misbehave, it is important to
remember the goodness in them is temporarily distorted
and that they are discouraged. Discipline from the
viewpoint, "I love you and I know you are a good person,
this behavior is inappropriate, here is a better way".

Treat children and ourselves with respect. One of the
greatest errors made by parents that are respectful of
their children is that they forget respect for themselves in
the process. I believe this error is one of the main reasons
for the disrespect we see in children. YES! It is important
that we respect our children, talk with respect, listen to
them, and acknowledge their feelings and ideas. However,
if we do this without taking care of our needs, it creates
children that think the world is here to serve them, and
they become utterly disrespectful of others in the process.
To improve this we need to take good care of our needs by
placing firm, loving limits on children's incessant demands.
The opportunity for growth is changing from only
respecting the child to an idea of mutual respect.

Nurturing our children. To nurture is to educate, rear and
nourish In the larger perspective nurture is "the various
environmental forces, which combined, act on an organism
and further its existence". Various environmental forces?
Could this be the answer to the mixed results we get in
being a nurturing parent? The horrors our children are
exposed to at such a young vulnerable age through media
violence and the reality of the news are nurturing them.
We must seriously consider the impact this has on our
children and what we can do. There is no past wisdom to
depend on; we parents must decide how it ought to be
handled. I think that we need to protect them from what
we can by monitoring their exposure, and more
importantly, being heavily involved in their interpretation of
the things that they do see and hear.

Providing loving guidance. The most important idea for the
emerging parenting philosophy to succeed is our deep
involvement in our children's lives. We must guide them
through their childhood with time, patience and dedication
to their emotional health. If we spend time with our
children when they watch TV or play video games, we are
much more likely to pick up on their clues that something
is wrong. If a news report is scary, we need to be there to
discuss it with our child and help them understand. When
they act out in frustration, we need to take the time to
look more deeply into their discouragement and help them
sort through what is wrong.

Let us proceed with faith that we can become the kind of
parents that hope and dream for our children, at the same
time realize our limitations and challenges. We can inspire
our children to believe in themselves by our compassion
and loving guidance. Most of all we need to realize that in
order for this new parenting philosophy to work, we must
spend a great deal more time influencing our children. This
is the most important task we will accomplish in our life,
let's do it well!





Cultivate Your Child’s Intelligence

Be sure your home is a place that stimulates the senses –
touch, sight, smell, hearing, and taste. Find toys or play
materials with bright colors, unique textures, interesting
sounds and smells. Teach your child colors, numbers, and
letters. Make sure play materials and toys are age
appropriate. Encourage exploration while monitoring safety.
Talk to your child often and in complete sentences.